The Ultimate Comedy Road Trip!


the van recap

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Fuck the Thick-Headed Tour. Yeah, that’s right I said it…fuck those guys. For nearly two months those kids put me through hell. I was put through Carmageddon, broken down, given away to crazy mechanics(hey guys remember Crazy Mike from Bliss, Idaho? Yea I sure do, you left me with him), broken down again, forced to drive through the blistering Texas heat, and the worst part of all you ask? I didn’t even see one freakin’ joke! Awesome “comedy tour” guys…maybe next time I’ll see you jokesters in action. For now I’ll just chill in parking lots and hear you guys complain about how “crappy” I was. Awesome.

But I can’t complain too much…well yeah, yeah I can, but I’ll try to reflect for the good of the audience. After all, I got a pretty sweet new look out of the whole thing, even with those ugly faces covering half of me now. Andddd I also got to see A LOT of America. About 9,000 miles worth of it. Not many vans can say that. So I guess things weren’t too bad after all.

Truth be told, now that I’m sitting collecting dust in the ol’ Nolte driveway, I almost wish I was still out on the road. Sure, I had some rough times…like that time I broke down in Boise, Idaho….and then in Bliss, Idaho…and then again in Tremonton, Utah…and those other times in between where I’m not exactly sure where we were…but anyway that’s beside the point. I must say that even with all the crap I faced over the span of the Thick-Headed Tour, it was truly a blessing…kind of.

So now’s the time to face the music. I’m old. I’m beat up. And I’m a prime candidate to be a healthy chunk of scrap metal. So here’s my plea America, give me one last run before my days are done. Your support will keep me alive. It’s like my dying wish, if cars can make dying wishes. These guys have more shit to film and more people to piss off. And there’s no way in hell they’re gonna ditch me for the “2our.” So America, please please can’t you please help me. Send these boys back out there ASAP to do what they love to do, and give the Nolte’s a reason not to drive me up to that faithful scrapyard. I beg you.

 See you fuckers on the 2our.

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